Christmas is a wonderful time of year although not without its stresses.The parties, the presents and the dressing up can lead people to do strange and sometimes inadvisable things.
For an example, we need look no further than the bad Santa (pictured) who decided to ride Glasgow’s Duke of Wellington statue last week.
As ever, the 5pm Dining blog has its readers’ best interests at heart so we’ve come up with a not entirely earnest Christmas survival guide.
Follow this little lot and you will come out the other end of the festive period all smiles and still feeling mildly benevolent towards your fellow man. Then again perhaps not. At least you will probably avoid trying to escape police custody by mounting a statue.
1) If you still haven’t sorted out your Christmas present shopping then we admire your nerve. We will also point you towards the 5pm Christmas gifts page. Relaxing hotel stays, great meals and spa treats are just a click away. Seriously, no queuing and no wrapping. Simply slip the voucher in a Christmas card and Robert is your father’s brother.
2) Play to your strengths. This blogger’s present wrapping looks as though it is done by a chimp wearing mitts. Fortunately, I make an excellent gin and tonic. Trading skills is key to a happy Christmas.
3) This next one is crucial. Don’t overcook the Brussels sprouts. Let this Mash story from earlier this month serve as a warning.
4) A two week-long gin and cake fest will see you staring down the barrel of January while feeling like death. The occasional brisk walk around the park should prevent you from becoming one with the sofa.
5) Alternating alcoholic drinks with glasses of water can make hangovers less likely. Or at least less severe.
6) While on the subject of excess, wolfing a hair of the dog the next morning doesn’t help. Drink rehydration salts instead.
7) Spending several days in close proximity with people that you choose not to see the rest of the year can lead to the sort of tension that makes relations between North and South Korea seem rather affable.
Setting up a demilitarised zone down the middle of the dinner table is not the answer. Nor is threatening to beat your relatives with a turkey drumstick. Thrashing them at Perudo/Monopoly/Playstation is almost as satisfying and runs less risk of family schisms.
