There is a fun article in The Times entitled The 15 Golden Rules of Theatre Etiquette. I liked rule number 14 which states that theatre goers should try their hardest not to be tall and obscure the sight lines of other audience members.
It got me thinking what the golden rules of eating out would be. It’s a fast changing environment. Old school etiquette used to range from the very formal suggestion that every gentleman should rise from the table when a lady leaves it to more esoteric suggestions on the correct utensil to use when ladling out caviar. Unless you move in very crusty circles then neither really applies these days. More useful advice to the modern day diner would cover subjects such as who should scarf the last morsel on a sharing platter.
In no particular order, here are six rules I would like to see enforced. At gun point, if necessary. Feel free to add your own suggestions.
1) No yapping on your mobile while at the table. Set it to silent and, if it’s really urgent, go outside and call/text back. You are not Donald Trump/Nelson Mandela/Bono. The world won’t stop turning if you don’t take the call.
2) If you are not happy with something then politely tell the staff early on and give them the chance to sort it out. Don’t bottle it up and then explode at an unsuspecting waiter.
3) Kids. Tricky one this. Children need to be in restaurants to learn how to behave in restaurants. On the other hand, not every parent sets the best example. I know this sounds fairly fascistic but is banning under fourteens from restaurants after, say, 8pm entirely unreasonable?
4) No double dipping. The relentless rise of tapas and sharing dishes means that there are increased opportunities for people to dip their pitta/breadstick in the hummus, take a bite out of it and then redip. Not nice. Think swine flu. Think cooties.
5) Don’t grope the staff. It shouldn’t need to be said in 2009 but some people, mainly boozed-up blokes and hen nights, think that buying a meal also pays for touching rights with the staff. It’s inappropriate and could lead to you ingesting some unordered extras.
6) Don’t go to a restaurant to break up. The public nature of the meeting won’t guarantee a dignified scene.
