Great press release just in from the Spar which says the convenience chain is considering using local dialects for its wine tasting notes. I strongly suspect that it is complete BS but it is a cracking story.
As you can see below, the original tasting notes are fairly overblown but the regional translations are even more of a hoot.
These comments are the originals: “A truly great Merlot which is ablaze with succulent blackcurrants and blueberries. This Merlot has legs like a thoroughbred, strong and forward, which tantalises your palate. Its full bouquet is a delight for your nose and will leave you yearning for more. This isn’t a wine for the faint hearted.”
Welsh translation:
“A totally lush Merlot that’s gorjus. This wine is stunnen; loveli, and is full of flavours and bitter taffy. A tidy choice to enjoy with all yer muckas over some Bread of Heaven, so get it down yer neck butt…no word of a lie.”
Or, the translation to the tuneful sing song of the Mersey Beat or Scouse:
“A totally boss bottle of Merlot which smells o’ blackberry, choccie, a brew and toffees. Juicy and complex like, this bevey is top wi most scran ‘specially me ma’s scouse. Tellin ye, this is deffo a bevey that will leave youz and youz mates made up over yez Sayers pastie.”
SPAR’s Wine Controller Laura Jewell, presumably with her tongue firmly in her cheek, says the wine industry should be working harder to make the complexities of its products more accessible. She comments:
“The descriptions of wines on labels are too often confusing and complicated and rarely use the language of everyday conversation. We want to cut through that, using the real words that our customers use when they talk about a great glass of wine.
Apparently, here in Scotland, the Merlot’s tasting notes would translate as:
“A totally stoatin bevvy. It’s bricht an’ foo o’ flavur, wi plum, curranty fruit, mackin it taste awffy braw. A youngane’s colour wi cherries an black fruit on the nose, it has a laldy kick tae it, tha runs fae the front tae the back ae’ yer mooth.”
Eat your heart out, Irvine Welsh.