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The blog was tickled by a recent offer from Cameron House Hotel to live like a laird. Descended from a long line of enthusiastic drinkers, unlucky gamblers, soldiers and the occasional vicar, the blog’s bloodlines don’t have much nobility in them.

However, a new Cameron House package could enable me to holiday like the landed gentry. All I need is a spare six grand.

The two-night Live like a Laird and Lady package includes:

A piper to announce guests’ arrival at the hotel

Accommodation in the opulent Glenlossie Whisky Suite with unlimited room service

A personal butler (obviously) to care for every whim throughout the resort

A private suite in the Carrick Spa with a therapist on hand all day to deliver a bespoke spa package

Fine dining at Michelin-starred chef Martin Wishart’s Loch Lomond restaurant

A choice of activities such as:

Shooting and falconry

A champagne cruise on the resort’s own Celtic Warrior yacht with a private island picnic

A scenic seaplane flight over the loch and surrounding countryside

The package includes the opportunity to create a unique, personal tartan designed to the Laird and Lady’s specification by tartan experts Kinloch Anderson and a session with expert genealogist Sheila Duffy to discover Scottish family roots.

My favourite part of the offer is that staff will, if you really, really want, refer to guests as Laird and Lady throughout the stay.

Cameron House Hotel is about a half hour drive from Glasgow but I find that driving can be such a drag. Fortunately, as the hotel’s blurb kindly points out, those with helicopter transport can make use of the resort’s private helipad.

If you don’t have £6k lying around but still fancy a spot of luxury then Martin Wishart at Loch Lomond is a 5pm member. You can book in here.