][1]Over the last couple of days, it seems as though most of the country has been eager to see if Tian Tian and Yang Guang, the pandas at Edinburgh Zoo, would make the most of their brief mating season, get jiggy and produce an ickle baby panda.
However, according to a tersely worded pr from the zoo, the end result was ‘close but no cigar’. With this in mind, the blog would like to make a few helpful suggestions for next year.
Candle-lit dinner
First up, Yang Guang’s romance techniques need some work. Tian Tian is a classy lady panda and while Yang Guang’s habit of spraying his scent around the compound may have had some positive effect, the blog can’t help but feel that a candle-lit dinner may have been more conducive to the business in hand.
The 5pm restaurant booking site features dozens of Chinese restaurants that would be happy to help kindle some panda-loving over a bowl of bamboo shoots.
Aphrodisiac cocktails
Then again, the zoo keepers seem to be implying that while the attraction was there, the coupling was falling at what was coyly referred to as ‘the final hurdle’. We don’t want to put any performance pressure on either panda but perhaps they might like to attend this Sunday’s Aphrodisiac Cocktail and Canapes party which takes place under the umbrella of the Edinburgh International Science Festival at the Botanics.
Beer goggles
Instead, Tian Tian and Yang Guang might wish to try the wooing method used by of generations of young Scots: alcohol. Very wisely, Shakespeare noted that alcohol ‘provokes the desire but it takes away the performance’. Fair enough but many have found that there is a golden period when the desire is indeed provoked but performance has yet to be impaired.
It is said that brandy makes you randy and whisky makes one frisky. Perhaps, but the blog recommends that our Chinese visitors stick with the beer. Tian Tian and Yang Guang might want to drop in at one of the ten Edinburgh pubs taking part in the 30 Days of IPA festival. Over the course of April, 13 different Scottish breweries are celebrating the iconic India Pale Ale style of beer with a variety of events and special brews.